Flash fiction challenge: Death is the best solution

Here we go. Anouther Chuck Wendig Flash Fiction Challenge.

Today he has ordered us to write 1000 words using images from a Buzzfeed article.

I choose this one:-

This man, who is literally shaking the hand of the priest who is performing his funeral.

So here goes.

Death is the best solution.

“Here you are death in solution”

“Are you sure this is going to work?”

“Yes, your body will go into a sleep like state and fool everyone into thinking that you are dead.”

“Nice”

“Are you sure you want to do this. You know you can just disappear without being all dramatic?”

“Debt collectors will keep looking for me. And then there’s the fiancé.”

“Hey it’s your life, no pun intended, but weren’t you going to marry that woman to pay off the debt collectors?”

“Yeah, that was before I knew she was bat-shit crazy, also I don’t want to cross her father”

“Yeah well I lost a lot of money betting against him during the boxing champion league.”

“Ok so recap. Drink this before going to sleep and by the time I wake up I’ll be dead?”

“Well. No you can’t wake up.”

“But I will be dead?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. Just be sure to dig me up as soon as you can, alright”

“I’ll see you then.”

Danny bid farewell and left the pub. Nervous as hell.

Tonight is the night I die. He thought giggling at the idea.

He proposed way too early, he didn’t know her well enough to marry her. But she was rich. And he needed the money. It was just a plus that she was sexy as hell. Didn’t find out that she was a wack-job until it was too late. If he knew about the latter he wouldn’t have done the former.

“Marry or die.” He said aloud, shaking his head.

“Die, definitely die.”

He turned the corner and entered the hotel. Showered, took a shot of whisky, followed by the shot of the drug.

He sat on the bed, naked with a towel wrapped around him.

Tick tock

Tick tock

Nothing

“Bastard scammed me!”

He got up to get changed, give that prick a piece of his mind. The boxers where on followed by his shirt. He turned around to look for his jeans and then-

Collapsed.

 

Danny felt himself falling, falling for ever in a sea of black ink. A dark soup of nothingness.

And then it stopped.

“I think we should leave the cask open for this part reverent.”

“Very well ma’am”

Nothing

“Dearly departed. We are gath-“

Nothing

“Good bye my love. *sniff* I will always remember you”

Nothing

“Well to be honest, he wasn’t good at his job. He was about to be made redu-“

Nothing

“Good for nothing little brat. Engages my daughter only to get him drugged up and killed. Only wanted our money it seems”

“He didn’t even like her.”

Nothing

“Do you think the widow will be alright?”

“They didn’t even get married. But if you ask me I think she is better off.”

Not one of them has anything nice to say about me? He thought to himself.

“Don’t you want something to say to your brother?”

“Not really. He was just some selfish toser.”

“You shouldn’t say that.”

“What? He can’t hear me”

Not even my own brother?!

“Well he was a disappointment to me as well. I wasn’t surprised when we found out he was marrying your daughter for money. If I had known about the wedding I would have warned you sooner”

Dad?!

“If that concludes the final goodbyes, then it is time to move on. For god created man from dust and through cremation he returns.”

Wait a fucking moment.

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust”

“Ok hold on right their!”

The church hall gasped as the corpse rose from his coffin.

“CRIMATION!!! I WANTED TO BE BURIED. DID YOU GUYS EVEN READ MY WILL!!?”

“You had nothing to give away!” said an old man in the corner.

“Yes dad don’t worry I am alive, pleased to see you too.”

“Well it was cheaper to burn you than to-“

“Can we get to the part where you are alive?” an old lady asked, standing in shock.

“Hello again Mrs Baits you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Oh, before I forget, thank you for having something decent to say” said Danny shaking the revenants hand.

“Pl-pleasure” he said, his face was in shock and surprise.”

Danny swung his legs out of the coffin and jumped to the floor.

“So where do I begin? Well thanks for coming to my little funeral. Only what? 10, 11 people showed up? So thanks, I guess there was a free lunch.

“Not one of you had anything nice to say? Not one? You wished I was dead didn’t you. How can you say those things?”

“How could you just lie there and pretend to be dead? How selfish of you”

“How can you call me selfish? You all just sat there and talked shit, AT MY OWN FUNERAL!”

“Oh my god it’s really you” oh great, she’s still about.

His fiancé ran up behind him, wearing a wedding dress.

“Oh my god it’s really you” tears were streaming down her face. She tried to hug him but he was not in the mood.

“Get off me!” Danny pushed her off him, harder than he wanted.

“How dare you touch my daughter” Her father charged at him in furry, planted two large hands on his chest and threw him across the church.

Danny flew through the air and as he fell he hit his head on the alter steps. Silencing his rage.

“Danny? Danny wake up?” the girl called. But Danny was no longer there.

“Well, looks like he’s dead again” stated the brother

“I – I didn’t mean to…”

“Oh that hardly matters now dear, he was already dead!”

“Perhaps we should just finish the ceremony and forget all about this” the reverent suggested

Danny wanted to escape fate and although it didn’t go to plan, death was the best solution.

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